Tuesday, June 18, 2013


Last night Bonnie talked to me about her concerns about my carrying a gun and having the permit. She wanted to know why I did it.  Was I afraid of something?  She was concerned that I carried in the house when she wasn’t home, which I don’t really do now; it was more when we first moved into the house and usually only when there seems to be a lot of ruckuses outside.  She asked if we should sell the house and move to another neighborhood if I’m that afraid of living there.

It was an adjustment when I first moved in there because all the places I lived, minus my mom’s house had always been on the top floor; for two reasons one I don’t want noise above me and two I feel safer when someone can’t just walk up to my window.  I eventually got used to living on ground level with only an occasional concern, usually when I am alone and I start getting into my head too much.

She also mentioned how she feels I’m pretty obsessed about guns and shooting, which is something my ex mentioned as well.  She said that she recently found out that her friend Doug had a gun and in twenty years she never knew. She was implying that he never talks about it.  My only rebuttal to that was to ask her how long he had been shooting and her response was that he’s been doing since he was young.  I explained to her that I’m pretty new to it, I’m learning a lot of things, which causes me to talk about it a lot, it’s a new and exciting thing for me so I think a lot about it.

My only response to the question of carrying was because I can, it’s not that I’m afraid of anything, it’s just I chose to do so.  I also said, because she is aware of all the past experiences that I had and how lucky I am that nothing bad really happened in any of them and I am too and it was a question I pondered considerably while waiting to get my permit.  She understands why our chiropractor carries because she’s leaving the office late by herself and may even be carrying money but for me to carry, she doesn’t understand.  I why I carry even if I tell her sometimes I go out during the day and get home later at night and I know she has to understand that because it was her discussing her fears of coming home late at night that got her to agree to learning about gun safety and handling and to go shooting.

Over all, last night I felt pretty deflated about the whole thing, it made me realize I need to step back about talking about guns with her so she doesn’t judge and condemn me as obsessive.  It left me feeling as if I just don’t fit anywhere in this world and I feel as if I have no support in regards to my hobby/interest, other than this bog of course.  My family, other than my dad, who is supportive and encouraging, doesn’t agree or support me in any regards.  My mom and sister talk behind my back about it and that disturbs me too, I know that my mom is condemning and judging me over this and that bothers me.  All in all, I’m not going to stop shooting, learning as much as I can and I’m not going to stop carrying either.  If they want to hate me for it, that’s their problem, I’ve lacked support from my family for most of my life so not having it now shouldn’t matter but it does leave me feeling very alone. (10.1)


  1. "All in all, I’m not going to stop shooting, learning as much as I can and I’m not going to stop carrying either."


    My FIL is uncomfortable about guns and having his daughter carry. Our route to helping him is to introduce him to other "gunnies" that are friends of mine and my wife. They tell him how safe/skilled she is with guns. This social aspect of having others accept her "gun use" is normalizing things for him. He is starting to see things as normal.

    1. I wish I had more friends to introduce my sister to so she realizes that it's not an uncommon thing. I know since I took her out shooting and she's mentioned it to friends and coworkers and she's realizing just about all of her friends and coworkers do have guns but the difference is they don't carry. I think that's the part that disturbs her the most. Hopefully over time she will come to terms with it all. I figure I'll cease talking about it, sharing my triumphs and downfalls and showing off new holsters to her so maybe she can just put it more to the back of her mind. I did ask her if she wanted me to take the .45 back upstairs so it's not in her area, that she isn't going to hurt my feelings if she doesn't want it down there any more, she said no that she still wanted it down there. I guess it's just riding it out and see where it goes, take things as they come, answer questions calmly and help alleviate fears.

      I think that was a good job that you did with your FIL. Sometimes it really is just time.

  2. You are doing what you need to do. Help her to be comfortable and move into acceptance.

    The wrong thing to do is to argue or be upset that she doesn't share the same feelings as you - you know that. We all do, but it still gets frustrating and being patient can be tough. You are doing a great job.

    You will win her over, I am confident.

    Perhaps next time the opportunity presents itself - when she asks you what's new - you reply with "I did A, B, tried a cool new holster that I'm excited about, and C." You give her the chance to talk about A, B, C... or what you are excited about.

    It just becomes as everyday as everything else.

  3. Don't get too down about it. Not sure about your sisters age but you are introducing her to something that she's spent her whole life hating from what I gather. She'll have her moments of doubt and at times she will overcome them and enjoy guns but she will continue to have that lifetime of belief that guns are bad/dangerous.

    Keep doing what you're doing, you can't change someones beliefs overnight and one day she'll realize that she's been around guns long enough to see that they are nothing more than a tool and are only as good/bad as the person using them.

    1. You are probably right, plus she's very close to my mom and she will never change her mind about guns. My sister and I are twins but that's a whole other story about how different our beliefs are even though we grew up in the same house at the same time.

      I do hope that she will come around, she's a bit better than I would say she was a year ago so there is hope.

  4. She understands why our chiropractor carries because she’s leaving the office late by herself and may even be carrying money but for me to carry, she doesn’t understand.

    Are you not infinitely more valuable than any amount of money the doctor can carry?

    Should you do everything you morally, ethically and legally can to come home to your family every day?

    1. I completely agree with you on all points. I am just as valuable as our chiropractor and I don't think she understands that anyone at any time can be put into a dangerous situation. I've been through quite a few in my lifetime and fortunately was able to extricate myself out of them unscathed but who is to say that the next time I wouldn't be so lucky so I would rather even the playing field for certain.

  5. I've got an award for you over at one of my blogs. You deserve more followers as you document your journey :)